DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is obsessed with the idea of me sleeping with other men – so much so he’s started offering me up to his buddies.
I’ve tried to tell him again and again how uncomfortable this makes me feel, but he never listens. Now our relationship is falling apart, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I’m 47, my husband is 50, and we’ve been married for 19 years.
It’s safe to say he’s always been sexually adventurous.
From the beginning of our relationship, he has often spoken about his fantasies and fetishes, and where I can, I’ve always tried to give him what he wants.
However, over the last few years he’s become fixated on the idea of me having sex with another man in front of him.
He tells me all the time how much he wants to watch me and has tried his hardest to convince me to try it. Even though I keep saying no, he keeps pushing it, and it’s starting to wear me down.
Even when we get intimate, he constantly brings it up and asks me to talk about my previous experiences.
It’s getting to the point where it’s causing a huge conflict in our relationship. He constantly calls me a misery and a bore.
He’s even started offering me up to his friends. Whether it’s men he’s met in the pub or buddies he’s made at golf, he has no shame.
He says he just wants me to know that I have ‘options,’ but I can’t help but feel pressured.
I feel so disgusting. How can he treat me this way?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband is treating you like a possession, and it’s out of order.
A relationship is a partnership, not an arrangement where he can call all the shots.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved, where you feel safe, and where you are under no pressure to do something that you don’t want to do.
You need to have a conversation with him and tell him that this behaviour must stop. Tell him that he cannot keep putting his sexual needs before your consent and self-worth.
I’m sending you my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, to have this conversation.
If he refuses to change, consider walking away. My support pack called Ending a Relationship will help you if it comes to that.
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