SAYING goodbye to her young twin sons Luke and David, Nataly Anderson’s heart breaks all over again.
It’s been eight years since their dad Ivan took them on holiday and never returned, and all she has to hold on to is a video call with her boys who are living thousands of miles away.
Nataly, 51, has fought a long and heartbreaking battle to get them back but hasn’t succeeded – and it has been 18 months since she last wrapped her arms around the pair, now 11, who are living in Croatia with their dad.
She says: “I speak to them every night. I ask them about their day at school, who their best friend is, what they had for dinner.
“But it’s not the same. I long to hold them, cuddle them, ruffle their hair and kiss them goodnight.”
Despite how fiercely she loves her children, Nataly has withdrawn from fighting her case to be reunited with them.
She says: “I can’t get anywhere in a system which I feel isn’t prepared to follow the law.
“Hiring a lawyer is a waste of time in a system where it seems like courts refuse to listen to the needs of children.”
Now, she is channelling her energy into helping other parents who believe they have been wrongfully separated from their own.
She hopes her campaign, Family Court Crisis, will raise awareness of the challenges faced by parents who are in the family courts system, both in the UK and overseas.
“Throwing myself into the campaign has helped me channel the anger, frustration and grief I feel at having my children taken away from me,” she says.
The ‘perfect’ partner
Nataly, who has a Yugoslavian mother but grew up in the UK, met her ex-husband Ivan on a dating site in 2008 after travelling to Croatia.
She says: “He was tall, dark, handsome, Mediterranean-looking and talkative.
“I remember popping to the loo on a date, looking in the mirror and mouthing to myself, ‘He’s perfect’.’’
The pair quickly began a relationship and set up home together in a flat owned by Nataly’s parents in Croatia. They married in 2011.
“It was really lovely at first, all romance and excitement,” Nataly, who lives in Woking, Surrey, says. “He really wanted kids so we started trying for a baby.”
‘I felt miserable and alone’
In 2013, following two miscarriages at around eight weeks, Nataly got pregnant with twins and says she had never been happier, until she felt Ivan was being controlling.
She says: “It was slow and subtle but I felt he was isolating me. He’d socialise with work mates but I never felt included.
“Soon I felt miserable and alone.
“Then, at 34 weeks, I went into labour and delivered two tiny healthy twin boys via caesarean.”
But when Nataly and the twins returned home, she says things began to change.
“He helped out but I felt it was only the bare minimum,” she says.
“I was working in telecoms by then and earned more than him so after a year I went back to work and he took paternal leave.
As we made plans to leave, things between us began to deteriorate due to the stress of looking after the boys, and financial pressures.
Nataly
“But he said he couldn’t do it alone and suggested I pay for a nanny, and I bought him a posh hybrid car.
“He had expensive tastes and wanted the best food and fine wine.
“I felt under pressure. I missed my sons but felt it was down to me to provide for everyone.
“Then one day, as the twins’ second birthday approached, he suddenly blurted out from nowhere that he hated Croatia and wanted a change.
“We’d always talked of going back to the UK because I knew it well, spoke the language and Ivan too had worked there.
“We felt there would be more opportunities for the boys and more employment opportunities for us.
“But as we made plans to leave, things between us began to deteriorate due to the stress of looking after the boys, and financial pressures.”
‘He began to complain’
In 2016, when the boys were two, Nataly was made redundant.
Ivan helped her look for work in the UK and within ten days she found a new job as an IT consultant.
“I moved back to Britain first and I started work the next day,” Nataly says.
“He packed up our lives in Croatia, I flew back a month later to get the children, then Ivan and the dog followed by car.
“But it wasn’t long before he began to complain about looking after them, saying he wanted to go back.
“Yet our boys were growing into gorgeous, happy toddlers. They were both so calm and well-behaved wherever we went.”
‘I kissed the boys goodbye’
In June 2016, Nataly says Ivan had a call from a boss suggesting he might be in line for a promotion in his previous job back in Croatia.
She adds: “He said he wanted to take the boys to Croatia for three weeks to see his parents, to have a holiday by the sea and relax.
“I agreed, because I trusted him. Then he asked, ‘Should I take the boys’ UK passports or their Croatian ID cards?’
“For some reason I looked in his eyes and said, ‘I’m scared you’re not going to bring them back’, and Ivan stared right back at me and replied, ‘That would make me a child abductor’.”
I couldn’t at first compute what he was saying when he told me, ‘I’m not bringing them home’.
Nataly
Under UK law, a child can only be taken out of the country if everyone with parental responsibility gives their permission.
Believing the boys would be away for no longer than three weeks Nataly let Ivan take them, and because he booked return flights she had no reason to think he would stay in Croatia.
“I handed him everything,” Nataly explains. “On the day they set off, I took them to the airport.
“I kissed the boys goodbye and made sure they had their snacks, milk bottles and favourite teddies. I saw their little heads bobbing until they disappeared into the crowd.”
But when Ivan rang not long before the end of the three-week holiday, Nataly says: “I picked up the phone and his voice sounded hard, different.
“I couldn’t at first compute what he was saying when he told me, ‘I’m not bringing them home’.
“For a second I didn’t believe him. He started saying should I go there, that he’d tell everyone what a bad mother I was because I worked.
“Then he started waxing lyrical about Croatia, saying he’d have a nanny, that he could work, that everything was better there. Then he hung up.”
Stolen passports
In sheer panic, the first thing Nataly did was call the UK police.
She says: “I told them my sons had been abducted by their father. expecting them to help.
“But they told me it was a civil matter, not criminal, and they had no power to do anything about it.
“I got a lawyer and he told me I could ask for the children to be returned under the Hague Convention.
“I couldn’t be forced to go back to Croatia. My parents were very near and a huge support — the UK was our home.
“I had a job, the twins were settled, they had a good future.
“That is what we had moved for. I didn’t want to go back to Croatia.”
Nataly went over that summer, and for a week every month from then to see the twins.
She recalls visiting her sons for the first time: “I felt terrified arriving at Ivan’s parents. I didn’t even know if they’d let me in.
“My sons were sleeping and when they woke up and saw me Luke was so shocked he burst into tears.
“Ivan had their British passports so I couldn’t leave the country with them but I wanted to steal them back.”
Taking a child out of the UK – what the law says
You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for the child – or from a court – before taking a child abroad.
A letter is usually enough and it should include the contact details of the other person should you be asked to provide the letter at a UK or foreign border.
It’s also useful if you take with you evidence of your relationship with the child such as a birth or adoption certificate.
In addition, a divorce or marriage certificate is helpful if you are a single parent but your family name is different from the child’s.
If you don’t have permission from the other people with parental responsibility, you’ll need to apply to a court.
You must give details of the trip, for example the date you are leaving and returning, and contact details of everyone who has parental responsibility and are staying in the UK.
For a longer trip you must provide information such as what education the child will receive whilst they’re away.
For more information visit https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad
A ‘devastating’ decision
Then in December 2016, six months after they were taken, the Croatian courts ruled the boys should be returned to the UK.
Nataly says: “I was thrilled but then I found out Ivan had launched an appeal.”
The couple divorced in January 2017 and that March, the appeal was heard.
“I was devastated, the court overturned the ruling and ordered a retrial,” says Nataly.
In the meantime, and while court proceedings were ongoing, it was decided the boys should stay in Croatia.
Ever since, she has been fighting to bring them home but so far all judgements have ruled that her boys should remain in Croatia.
Now, 18 months since she last saw them, all she can do is await their nightly phone call.
She says: “David is talkative and will tell me how he feels, what he’s doing at school. But Luke is withdrawn. I think he’s realised the only way to protect himself is by shutting down.
“He gets lost in his computer games and doesn’t say a lot to me on calls. David, however, recently said I am the best mum in the world.”
At Christmas and for Nataly’s birthday last summer, the boys sent her handwritten cards, which read: “Dear mum… I love you so much. You are the best mum ever. I wish I could see you.”
“I treasure them. I read them every day,” she says.
She has now thrown her weight and experience into helping other parents estranged from their children following court rulings.
‘It’s destroying lives’
Her campaign, which includes raising awareness for parents who feel they’ve been unfairly separated from their kids, is being backed by Seema Misra, who was wrongfully convicted of theft in the Post Office scandal and imprisoned while pregnant.
Referring to the stories of the families she meets, she explains: “One couple’s daughter died of cerebral palsy.
“The local authority labelled them with mental health issues and their surviving children were taken into care.
“Another mother took her daughter abroad to see her father. After a violent attack, they fled home.
“The UK High Court refused the father’s request for the return of the child as he was too dangerous but a local court sent the girl back to him.
“There are so many cases of parents whose children are wrongfully taken from them and it’s destroying the lives of the ones we are supposed to protect – the children.”
- Read more about Nataly’s campaign here Home – Family Court Crisis
- *Some names have been changed
