AS a red-faced father pushed me up against the playground wall and screamed in my face, I felt too stunned to fight back.
I’d only reminded his ten-year-old son to return his homework, but now this man was threatening to punch me.
Former primary school teacher Rose reveals how abuse from parents drove her to quit the job she once loved (posed by models)[/caption]
Rose reveals parents would send her nasty messages (posed by model)[/caption]
On one occasion, a parent told her they hoped she’d get cancer and die[/caption]
I was a newly-qualified primary school teacher and the incident left me shaken and stunned.
When I’d gone to university to study education, dealing with aggressive and abusive parents hadn’t been part of the course.
I’d chosen this career because I wanted to help children reach their potential and share how amazing acquiring new knowledge can be.
Naively, I’d assumed parents would be supportive of my efforts to give their child the very best start.
Sadly, while the vast majority of mums and dads are lovely, increasing numbers feel emboldened to treat teachers in an abusive way.
That’s why I wasn’t surprised to hear last week that nearly a third of school leaders have reported parents to the police for abusing them in the past 12 months.
The National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT) polled 1,600 members and found that 82 per cent have suffered abuse by parents in the past year, with verbal the most common.
But 68 per cent had experienced threatening behaviour, 46 per cent online abuse and 22 per cent discriminatory language, including racist, sexist or homophobic slurs.
One in ten suffered physical violence, while there were widespread reports of trolling on social media.
Nearly nine in ten said it had increased greatly in the last three years and left many considering quitting.
A decade ago, incidents like the one over homework took place maybe once a month at the school I taught at.
By last summer – when I quit – that had risen to multiple times a day.
There were too many instances to count involving parents shouting and swearing when I tried to speak to them about poor behaviour, friendship issues or general concerns.
The worst occasion was when a parent told me they hoped I’d get cancer and die for asking their child not to chew gum in class.
Shockingly, I have friends who have dealt with worse. One told me a colleague was followed to her car by a dad, who threatened to rape her if she asked his son to complete work again.
And an older male teacher said a parent threatened to spread rumours he was a ‘paedo’ if he made their child join in with PE.
But the abuse I experienced wasn’t just at the hands of hard-nut dads with more testosterone than common sense.
The most threatening parents were the career-driven high earners with a sense of entitlement
The most threatening parents were the career-driven high earners with a sense of entitlement and the attitude that nothing was ever good enough.
The more disadvantaged families were either disengaged or glad someone was trying to help.
Mums would be just as bad as the dads.
Just like social media has led to kids being bullied outside the school gates, I believe the introduction of school messaging apps like Class Dojo has exacerbated abuse.
Parents now have access to you 24 hours a day and get increasingly cheesed off if you don’t respond immediately, even at 2am.
‘Morale is rock bottom’
Sometimes they’ll send you a nasty message, then be as nice as pie in the playground – when you are still reeling from seeing their words when you first woke up.
What surprised me most was the attitude that, as a teacher, everything was my fault, from lost coats to spitting at other kids.
When did we stop holding pupils – and by extension, their parents – responsible for their own actions and poor choices?
Lockdown didn’t help matters as the public perception of teachers was low, despite the fact we were putting ourselves at risk by continuing to go into the classroom.
Post-pandemic clampdowns on things like attendance have damaged relations further, even though it is central government pushing targets on schools.
Tension also comes from the fact that teachers are not just teaching anymore.
Other services are so stretched that we become social workers, food banks, family counsellors – jobs we are not qualified to do, but we try to help.
Some parents appreciate this and work with you as a team to benefit the child.
But others – who often have loud voices – feel aggrieved that their child isn’t getting a ‘great deal’ or they don’t like what the school has put in place.
They don’t want to adhere to codes of conduct or uniform policies and think the school isn’t acting in their child’s best interest, when that’s never the case.
I’m quite a strong-minded person, but as time passed it became increasingly difficult to cope with day-to-day
That’s at the heart of all we do.
Nearly a third of school leaders have reported parents to the police in the past 12 months (posed by model)[/caption]
It’s especially tricky around topics like funding for special educational needs.
While it must be difficult constantly fighting for what your child needs, it shouldn’t be a fight with schools.
A lack of resources is a huge issue – but it’s something the teacher standing in front of you is powerless to change.
Knowing the right way to tackle incidents of abuse and violence is tricky, as parents aren’t a pub customer you can simply bar if they kick off.
Their child still has to come to school and it isn’t their fault if their parent acts badly.
I’ve had varying levels of support from my headteachers in these situations.
Some were completely at the whim of parents and did whatever they asked, because they struggle with confrontation and don’t feel supported by other services if things escalate.
Others had strict codes of conduct and held parents to account, but I remember when one called the police, they were told it was a civil issue and it would take several hours to respond as it wasn’t an emergency.
There was very little in the way of support, so we’d all try to keep our emotions in check until we could have a private breakdown in an empty classroom or in the car driving home.
What these parents didn’t understand was the more time I spent dealing with their aggression, the less time I had for doing what I do best – teaching their children.
On several occasions, I was pulled out of class to speak to an irate parent.
This could be distressing, but I was expected to go straight back to class and my pupils weren’t daft – they could see I was shaken.
I’m quite a strong-minded person, but as time passed it became increasingly difficult to cope with day-to-day.
Not being able to shield lower-paid colleagues like receptionists and teaching assistants was especially challenging.
‘Hard walking away’
Some incidents would be in meetings, but others would be in the playground in front of children.
What sort of message does that send to pupils, when parents disrespect teachers so publicly?
The decision to quit the profession I love came after a lot of soul-searching.
I’ve worked in some challenging schools and it was hard walking away from those children, knowing that you are often the one constant in their life.
Some of the things I saw day-to-day were harrowing, but dealing with abusive parents was one of the most challenging elements.
But I’d reached a point where I thought: ‘I’m going to be dead by the time I’m 50. This job is killing me.’
The vast majority of teachers I know feel a similar way. Morale is rock bottom.
No wonder record numbers are quitting, with 39,971 teachers leaving state-funded education in England for reasons other than retirement in 2022/23.
Six months on, I miss teaching so much. Thinking of my pupils makes me tearful, but the situation was no longer sustainable.
I must stress that I’ve also had the pleasure of working with absolutely incredible parents who want to forge a strong relationship and if they do challenge you, it’s appropriate and respectful.
I’d always make time to listen to them.
Like parents, teachers want the best possible outcome for the next generation and will go above and beyond to get that.
There’s never any need to resort to abuse.
- *Name has been changed.
Why are teachers quitting?
By Alex Lloyd
BRITAIN is facing a teaching crisis as record numbers leave the profession and schools struggle to recruit staff, particularly for key subjects.
Almost 80,000 quit for reasons other than retirement in the two years from 2021 to 2023, which is around nine per cent of the workforce.
A Department of Education survey in 2022 discovered that 92 per cent cited workload as a reason to quit while 57 per cent cited pay.
Around half of teachers said that data recording and analysis, behaviour and incident follow up, lesson planning, and marking took up too much of their time.
Many attributed this to schools feeling the need to be ‘Ofsted ready’ in anticipation of an inspection.
Of those leaving, women in their thirties are the biggest group, according to a report called Missing Mothers that said they were struggling to strike a balance between work and family life.
More than 9,000 of them quit in England in 2022-23, compared to just over 3,400 men of a similar age.
However, as men make up less of the profession, this number is a bigger proportion.
