IT’S meant to be about goodwill to all men, but even the happiest families end up rowing on Christmas.
Factor in all that booze and lots of people that don’t usually spend much time together, cramped around a Christmas tree, and it’s understandable.
The odd tiff over who ate the last segment of chocolate orange, or who cheated on Monopoly, is to be expected.
In fact, a study of 2,000 adults who celebrate Christmas revealed that while 83 per cent look forward to seeing loved ones over the festive period, 43 per cent are braced for arguments.
For some though, the holidays can spiral into fights that last well into the new year.
And it can be a particularly tough season if there’s an empty space at the dinner table.
Throw in the financial stress of paying for Christmas and the exhaustion that can hit at the end of the year, and it can all add up to you feeling pretty low, stressed and worn out by the time New Year’s Eve rolls round.
“Tensions often run high during the festive period due to heightened expectations that can lead to stress,” explains Holly Beedon, clinical lead from free mental health service, Living Well UK.
Luckily, there’s lots you can do to help yourself recover from the festive strain…
Reflect on what happened
Maybe you stomped off after a family argument or you took on too much of the cooking and organisation and felt resentful and overwhelmed.
Whatever caused you stress this Christmas, once the dust settles, Holly says: “Reflection is crucial as it allows us to learn from what happened and identify underlying triggers.”
If there was a disagreement, she says: “Ask yourself why the argument occurred, how it made you feel and how it affected others.
“This doesn’t mean dwelling on guilt or blame but rather understanding the dynamics at play.
“Reflecting can also help you spot patterns, such as stress from overcommitment or unresolved tension from before Christmas.”
Mulling things over can help you make changes next year, like ring fencing time just for you over the Christmas break, or making sure you all get out of the house for a bit on December 25 in future.
Repair damaged relationships
Tension simmering days after the last of the turkey’s been eaten?
Simi Warah, therapy services manager, Priory Hospital Woking, says: “Try to think of conflict as inevitable in any relationship.
“If we can address and deal with these disagreements, it can improve the overall relationship by developing deeper connections and understanding.”
She adds: “Think about what part you played in the bickering or disagreement and offer suggestions of what you feel you could have done differently, rather than coming from a place of putting all the blame on them.”
So if it was you who rigged that game of Cluedo, it’s time to own up.
Pick a calm moment and a neutral space to have a chat with your loved one about what went on.
If someone let you down, consider whether the situation warrants a conversation or whether it’s more beneficial to let it go
Holly Beedon
Holly says: “Take accountability for your part in any disagreements and approach others with empathy, listening without interruption.
“Expressing regret for specific actions or words can go a long way in mending relationships.”
And while the idea of spending more time together after a stressful Christmas might seem counterintuitive, Dr Elena Touroni, consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, says you can help rebuild relationships “by sharing enjoyable activities or making plans together”.
Try organising an activity you’ll actually find fun that will help you all let off steam, like going for a walk, seeing a comedy at the cinema or having a kitchen disco.
However, if a loved one has really crossed a line, Simi says: “You may feel that the conflict can’t be resolved and this may be a time for you to reflect on the future of your relationship, especially if you feel you are not being heard or your needs are not being met.”
Dr Elena adds: “Repairing relationships is about consistent effort, not just words.”
If Christmas didn’t go to plan
There might not have been any blazing rows in your house, but you could still be feeling let down or disappointed.
Maybe it wasn’t as festive as you’d imagined, the meal was a disaster, or travel disruptions meant you couldn’t see the people you wanted to.
Holly says: “Unmet expectations during Christmas can lead to feelings of disappointment or frustration.
“Begin by recognising that these feelings are valid but temporary.
“Reflect on what went wrong and whether your expectations were realistic.
Help for mental health
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support.
The following are free to contact and confidential:
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123, jo@samartiands.org.uk
- CALM (the leading movement against suicide in men) www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Papyrus (prevention of young suicide) www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Shout (for support of all mental health) www.giveusashout.org/get-help/, text 85258 to start a conversation
Mind, www.mind.org, provide information about types of mental health problems and where to get help for them. Email info@mind.org.uk or call the infoline on 0300 123 3393 (UK landline calls are charged at local rates, and charges from mobile phones will vary).
YoungMinds run a free, confidential parents helpline on 0808 802 5544 for parents or carers worried about how a child or young person is feeling or behaving. The website has a chat option too.
Rethink Mental Illness, www.rethink.org, gives advice and information service offers practical advice on a wide range of topics such as The Mental Health Act, social care, welfare benefits, and carers rights. Use its website or call 0300 5000 927 (calls are charged at your local rate).
Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk, is the a mental health initiative spearheaded by The Royal Foundation of The Prince and Princess of Wales.
“If someone let you down, consider whether the situation warrants a conversation or whether it’s more beneficial to let it go.
“Focusing on gratitude can also help reframe the experience.
“Identify moments of joy or connection, no matter how small.”
She says planning something to look forward to can make a huge difference and distract you from the disappointment, adding: “A day out or a personal goal can help shift your focus and boost your mood.”
Managing grief
Grief can be particularly painful if it’s been your first Christmas without a loved one.
Holly says: “Acknowledge your emotions rather than suppressing them; it’s okay to feel sadness, longing, or even anger.
“Sharing your feelings with someone you trust or writing them down in a journal can be therapeutic.”
Starting a new tradition to honour the memory of your loved one could really help too, whether it’s visiting a place they loved, hanging up a meaningful decoration, or lighting a candle.
Simi says: “Finding a way to connect to the person you’ve lost might feel uncomfortable or painful, but sometimes the amount of grief we feel is related to the amount of love we may have had – it’s important to remember this.”
She adds: “Whatever you do, try to ask for support if your feelings of grief become overwhelming or unmanageable.”
Speak to family members and friends if you feel able to, and if you’re really struggling, speak to a therapist or your GP about getting some extra support.
Let the festive stress go and look forward
“Letting go of Christmas stress involves recognising what’s in your control,” says Dr Elena.
Unwinding is key. She says: “Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness, and prioritise self-care by setting aside time for rest and hobbies.”
The start of a new year can be a clean slate too.
Simi says: “Think of it as a chance to look forwards.
“Instead of restrictive resolutions, try to set some self-care, wellbeing goals that have positive language (e.g. ‘I’m going to do…’ rather than ‘I need to stop…’).
“What can you add to your life that is positive rather than taking away?”
She recommends the NHS’s 5 steps to mental wellbeing as a starting point:
- Connecting with others (join a club, call an old friend, have lunch with a colleague)
- Being physically active (go for a jog, do some gardening, have a stretch)
- Learning new skills (front crawl, how to crochet, a new recipe)
- Giving to others (volunteer, saying thank you, spending time with loved ones)
- Paying attention to the present moment (aka being mindful)
It’s a normal human response to feel stressed or to struggle with your mental health sometimes, but if you’re really finding things difficult, or like your Christmas stress just isn’t letting up, again, speak to your GP.
Charities like Mind and Samaritans are also on hand throughout the festive season and beyond if you need to speak to someone.
Simi adds: “If things feel overwhelming, consider getting some professional help from a qualified therapist who can help you get to know yourself and your needs better, to see things more objectively, help you set some goals, and look at ways for you to cope.
“All of this can help you improve your life, as well as having a wider positive impact on your relationships.”
The 7 lesser-known signs of stress
A LOT of the time, the signs of stress are pretty obvious.
Your palms get sweaty, your thoughts begin to race, and perhaps you’re forced to make a last-minute dash to the toilet.
But sometimes stress manifests itself as more of a background hum than sharp spikes of terror.
Stress can impact your health in ways you might not even be realising and in those cases, your body might tip you off to your mental strain with subtle signs.
Adrienne Benjamin, a nutritionist at ProVen Biotics, revealed seven lesser-known symptoms.
- Gut churning
- Hair loss
- Low libido
- Acne
- Racing heart
- High blood pressure
- Increased appetite
In the long-term, studies show this can impact you in several ways, including:
- An irregular heartbeat
- Depression
- Infertility
- Frequent infections
- Inflammation
