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Everyone said to leave my man when he was jailed for 19 years – we married behind bars but had to wait to consummate it

MELODY Lorenzo, 35, works in the public sector and lives in California with her husband Anthony, 36.

“Waiting for the prison bus to arrive, my heart was racing. After 19 years behind bars, my husband was finally coming home.

Couple embracing in front of a painted landscape.
Melody Lorenzo’s husband Anthony was jailed for 19 years for attempted murder and gang-related offences
Couple selfie at a baseball game.
Anthony, 36, was released last year, above the couple on a date
Woman in denim jacket and black boots.
Melody, 35, is now pregnant with her first child

Anthony and I met in 2001, when we were 12 and 13. He was my best friend’s cousin and we’d hang out in the park and chat.

We were just kids, but I was drawn to him and we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

Then, in 2005, our young love faced a crisis I couldn’t have imagined. Anthony, then 16, was in a car with a friend who opened fire on a group of gang members. It was a classic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Despite the fact he hadn’t pulled the trigger, Anthony was charged with attempted murder and gang-related offences, and was sentenced to nearly 20 years in prison.

I was just 15 and deeply shocked that my boyfriend had been caught up in something so dark.

Family and friends said I shouldn’t put my life on hold until his release.

And Anthony told me I needed to walk away, too, but I knew I loved him and that him being behind bars wasn’t going to change how I felt.

Resolving to stay together for as long as it took for him to be released, we kept our relationship alive with daily calls and letters.

As soon as I learned to drive, I’d spend every weekend driving up to 11 hours to visit him. Seeing him in handcuffs behind glass was so painful.

It took him time to adjust to his new ‘home’. He began to focus on improving himself, taking education classes and joining self-help programmes. I was proud of him.

For the first three years, our visits were behind glass with no physical contact. Later, when he moved to a different prison, we were allowed brief contact – just a hug or kiss at the beginning and end of each visit.

Bewildered family and friends couldn’t understand why I was still with him. I didn’t care what people thought, though.

Bewildered family and friends couldn’t understand why I was still with him

I loved him. At the start of 2009, when I was 20, Anthony proposed, and I said yes without hesitation.

It required reams of paperwork to get permission from the state, but on April 11, a registrar officiated the short ceremony in a room in the prison.

I wore a simple white dress, while Anthony had to wear his prison uniform, and we had a few friends as witnesses.

Obviously, it wasn’t the wedding I’d dreamed of, but it wasn’t about having my dream day, it was about solidifying our commitment. When we were pronounced ‘husband and wife’, my heart felt so full.

We were allowed to have a few photos taken, but then I had to go home – there was no party, no consummating our marriage.

However, from then on, we were allowed conjugal visits every few months, where we could be alone and intimate.

Those private moments meant everything and they helped us keep the vows we’d made.

Standing by Anthony all those years was tough in ways nobody I knew could understand.

Prison life is isolating, even for those on the outside. I went to weddings and watched other couples live their lives. But I never considered another relationship.

Finally, in January 2024, after numerous delays and setbacks, Anthony was released. Right up until I saw him stepping off the prison bus, I could scarcely believe it was happening.

I had to wait in my car, but when he opened the door and got inside, we just held one another tightly. I felt like I was dreaming.

Life outside has been a whirlwind of new experiences for Anthony. He’d never used a smartphone, and busy places felt overwhelming at first.

Our journey has been a difficult one, but it has made us stronger and more grateful for every day together

We’ve had to find our own normality and routine as a couple, despite the fact we’ve been married for 15 years.

Now, we’re planning our ‘real’ wedding in Hawaii this April, and I’m pregnant with our first child. After all the years of waiting, it’s surreal to think we’ll soon be parents.

We love to go for walks and talk about the future without the shadow of prison looming over us. Our journey has been a difficult one, but it has made us stronger and more grateful for every day together.”

  • Follow @Lifeasanthomelo on Instagram.
Couple embracing on rocky shore by the ocean.
Melody reveals the pair kept their relationship alive with daily calls and letters
A person placing a wedding ring on another person's finger.
She adds: ‘Now, we’re planning our ‘real’ wedding in Hawaii this April’

BTW

Men make up 96% of the prison population in the UK.*

Conjugal visits are not permitted in UK prisons.

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Karren Brady on how to fix your career in 2025 – from nailing an interview to getting a pay rise and avoiding burnout

FROM nailing an interview to getting a pay rise, navigating the career ladder can be tricky.

Follow Karren Brady’s top tips to give your work life a makeover in 2025.

Karren Brady seated on a clear chair.
Karren Brady on how to fix your career in 2025 – from nailing an interview to getting a pay rise and avoiding burnout
Mark Hayman

Nailing a job interview

Be prepared: It’s key to do your research on the company and the role. Being able to discuss the firm’s values and aims, as well as explaining clearly how you can contribute to those, shows you’re serious and can be an asset.

Have a strong handshake, smile and make eye contact: Small gestures make a big impact and set a positive tone.

Let your personality shine: Relax and be yourself! They want to know who they’ll be working with: your enthusiasm, creativity and energy will make a lasting impression.

Display confidence: Speak with assurance about your skills and experiences. Ahead of the interview, write down three key achievements you want to tell them about.

Be truthful, clear and concise: Stay focused, answer questions thoughtfully, but don’t ramble, and always be honest.

Changing careers

Gain experience: Look for new roles that bring you closer to your desired field. It’s a great way to learn, network and test out whether this is the right move for you.

Network with the right people: Attend events, join groups and connect with like-minded individuals for support. You never know where the right opportunity will come from.

Be resilient: Changing careers takes time. Don’t get discouraged – all your hard work will pay off.

Be open to starting small: Entry-level positions can lead to bigger opportunities and will give you the chance to gain experience in a lower-pressure environment.

Learn constantly: Always be willing to pick up new skills. The more knowledge you gain, the better prepared you’ll be.

Getting a promotion

Know your worth: It’s important to own your achievements and the value you bring – don’t downplay your impact. Throughout the year, write down your professional achievements so that you have a list when it comes to review and promotion time.

Don’t fear being assertive: It’s natural to want to be liked, but speak up about your ambitions, otherwise how is anyone supposed to know you would like more responsibility? Asking for what you deserve is about standing up for your future.

Believe in your abilities: Confidence is everything. Trust that you’re ready for growth and recognition, and be ready to convince your boss of it, too.

Don’t wait for perfection: If you’re ready, go for it! Don’t hold back just because you don’t tick every box. You can grow on the job. After all, if you could do a new job standing on your head, it probably won’t be challenging enough for you.

Be your own advocate: Once you realise you’re your own biggest supporter, everything changes. Embrace your power and claim the recognition you deserve. Share your professional achievements on LinkedIn, and tell your friends and wider network. If you can’t shout about yourself, who will?

Asking for a pay rise

Choose the right moment: Timing is key. Ask for a raise after you’ve achieved a big win or when your value is fresh in your boss’ mind.

Back up your request with results: Use concrete examples of your success: targets met, projects delivered and positive feedback received. Numbers speak volumes when you’re trying to negotiate for more money.

Frame it positively: Position your request as a discussion, not a demand. Use phrases like: “I’d like to talk about my growth and contribution to the team.” Remember that your boss doesn’t have to give you a pay rise, so it’s up to you to try to influence them into making that decision, and being courteous will go a long way.

Practise the conversation: Rehearse your pitch with a trusted friend or family member. Be concise and confident, anticipate questions and practise calm, clear responses.

Don’t be afraid of no: Rejection isn’t personal. If it’s a no, ask for feedback and what you need to do for it to be a yes next time, so that you have something to work towards.

The Apprentice Season 19 promotional image featuring Lord Alan Sugar, Baroness Karren Brady, and Tim Campbell MBE against a London cityscape backdrop.
Karren with Lord Alan Sugar and Tim Campbell, who won the first series of the show in 2005
BBC

Dealing with work politics

Address conflicts head-on: Tackle issues with open, face-to-face discussions that start with: “I have noticed that. . .” or: “When this happens, I feel. . .” so the other person doesn’t feel attacked.

Don’t take it personally: Office politics often stem from others’ insecurities. Remove emotion from the issue and focus on the actual problem.

Clarify roles and responsibilities: Many conflicts arise from unclear expectations. Define everyone’s role to prevent misunderstandings.
Set boundaries Be firm and let people know that disruptive behaviour isn’t acceptable.

Be patient: Building trust and resolving issues takes time. Stay consistent and true to yourself.

Avoiding burnout

Break down your goals: Instead of focusing on the long-term, take one step at a time with smaller, more manageable tasks.

Share the load: Divvy up responsibilities among the rest of your team to create space for balance and, if possible, free you up to explore projects that bring you energy.

Prioritise yourself: Take a step back and focus on what brings you joy. Your mental wellbeing should always come first.

Consider a change: Explore new job opportunities. A shift in environment and fresh challenges can reignite your motivation.

Juggling parenting and work

Make space for your home life: Define work hours and family time to maintain balance.

Prioritise tasks: Focus on what’s important, and what’s time-sensitive. Use lists or apps to keep track and avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Remove the guilt: Not able to do school pick-up every day? It’s OK! You’re doing your best and can’t do everything all the time.

Ask for help: Don’t hesitate to lean on others, – you don’t have to do it all alone. And offer to return the favour when you can, so you build a network of people you can turn to without guilt.

Be flexible: Things won’t always go according to plan. Be prepared to adapt and adjust when needed, whether it’s at work or home.

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From Jane Austen’s house to a gastropub dinner and cider tasting – a Hampshire gem that history fans & foodies will love

History fans and foodies will love this Hampshire gem, says Beauty Writer Mia Lyndon.

My eyes shoot up to Winchester’s Westgate, which towers over me, complete with gargoyles, gunports and holes for lobbing weapons at enemy heads.

2Y4MDHR Winchester Cathedral and the King's Royal Rifle Corps War Memorial in the evening light Winchester Hampshire England UK GB Europe
After a hearty breakfast of shakshuka, we wander around Winchester Cathedral’s gothic aisles
HEW6C0 River Itchen running through the historical old town center of Winchester England
A 90-minute walking tour of the UK’s oldest high street, featuring unicyclists and spotting trout and otters in the Itchen River
The Wykeham Arms in Winchester.  Thomas Skovsendee
We hunker down in The Wykeham Arms, where our attic room comes complete with a fireplace and a freestanding bath
Thomas Skovsendee

Guide Nichola points out: “Above your head are five murder holes.”

Fortunately, we’re more than 600 years too late to the battle.

My boyfriend Jamie and I are on a 90-minute walking tour, where we’ve strolled down the UK’s oldest high street, wandered past performers on unicycles and spied trouts in the Itchen River.

Tours cost £12 a person (Winchestertouristguides.com).

BOUTIQUE FINDS

Leaving our guide behind, we meander through the cobbled backstreets, before stumbling across local boutique The Hambledon (Thehambledon.com).

Inside are cosy knits, matchbox toys and the remains of William the Conqueror’s Palace – in the basement!

A stone’s throw away is P&G Wells, a 296-year-old bookshop with reams of vintage novels that make us feel like we’ve stepped into a shop on Harry Potter’s Diagon Alley (Pgwells.co.uk).

Exploring local history proves thirsty work, so it’s lucky we’re staying in a pub.

We hunker down in The Wykeham Arms, sipping pints of hoppy Frontier craft lager, £6.60, among the beer tankards, walking sticks and map etchings that adorn the walls.

Our attic room comes complete with a fireplace and a freestanding bath, perfect for winding down while the tinkling sound of church bells drift through the­ window.

SIEGE THE DAY

After a hearty breakfast of shakshuka, we wander around Winchester Cathedral’s gothic aisles.

Chests of Saxon bones once used as weapons during Oliver Cromwell’s 1645 siege loom over our heads. Entry costs from £12 per person (Winchester-cathedral.org.uk).

Jane Austen’s tomb is also here – she lived and died in Winchester – and a 30-minute taxi takes us to the home in Chawton, where she worked on her novels, including Pride And Prejudice.

Here, we admire her writing desk and ponder over her handwritten letters. Entry costs from £10 a person (Janeaustens.house).

Back in the city, snug gastropub The Old Vine makes the perfect setting for an intimate dinner.

We sip on Crémant de Loire, £35 a bottle, while tucking into scallops with sizzling chorizo, £9.50, and tender pan-fried lamb rump, £20.50, followed by tangy lemon curd and vanilla cheesecake, £7.50, which is so delicious Jamie announces it’s his favourite part of our trip (Oldvinewinchester.com).

WATER SIGHT

We wake up early the next day to stroll along the leafy South Downs Way to Winchester City Mill – a 1,000-year-old working water mill – and climb down to its churning wheel to hunt for the otters often spotted here.

They prove elusive, but entry is free (Nationaltrust.org.uk).

Pizzeria The Stable is a short walk away and its Guac-a-Doodle-Do, £14.95, is loaded with moreish chipotle chicken and guacamole, while a cider tasting board of five British tipples, £12, also goes down a treat.

Snails Bank Very Perry, a mellow lightly spiced pear cider, wins our vote (Stablepizza.com).

As we wander back to the train station, a couple stops us to ask for directions, which we deliver effortlessly. “Local?” they ask. “We wish,” I respond.

The Old Vine - Instagram
Cheesecake in The Old Vine
Instagram

FYI

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