A WIFE left her husband over his ‘affair’ with his SISTER after discovering that she had sent him Valentine’s gifts.
The 43-year-old woman revealed that the uncomfortable situation – which included the sister walking around in her underwear – ultimately led to the end of her marriage.
The woman explained that even before they got married, there was a sense that “something was off” between her husband and his sister, but she couldn’t be certain.
Now, taking to the online forum Reddit, the woman, who has chosen to remain anonymous, is desperately seeking advice and asking others for their thoughts on the situation.
She explained that she dated her husband for two months, maintained a long-distance relationship for “about a year,” and then spent another year together in person before they got engaged.
The sister lived a few hours away at her husband’s parents’ house, and the woman had only visited his family a “handful of times” before their marriage.
Talking about the sister, the woman wrote: “She openly hated me – glaring at me across the room – and her jealousy was obvious.
“If my then-boyfriend put his arm around me, she would get up and leave the room in a huff.”
However, things became stranger when she realised her boyfriend wasn’t spending time with her and would even spend Valentine’s Day with his sister instead of logging on to a video chat with her.
She explained: “He didn’t log on to our video chat until very late – later than promised, almost midnight – and told me it had been ‘special’ to spend the day with someone who meant something special to him.
“When we were engaged, he told me he wanted me to plan and celebrate his birthday together with her.
“However, she then planned it alone, ignoring my attempts to collaborate, and didn’t invite me.
“He invited me at the last minute and told me to just ignore what she had done, to go easy on her and give her the benefit of the doubt instead of standing up to her and telling her not to treat me that way.
“He also frequently commented on her appearance, saying her legs were nice, that she wore just the right amount of makeup, that she was pretty, etc.
“He talked about her a lot when we were together. When he was around her, he often linked arms with her in my presence and even kneed her in the bum, which I found odd.”
The woman believed he had an “unhealthy relationship” with his sister and that “he wasn’t available to form his own family unit.”
He told me they had done many weekend B&B stays, hikes, and mountain-biking trips together before he and I were married
Reddit user
She decided to “unofficially end” the relationship and asked for space, but he reassured her that it was “nothing to worry about” before proposing to her and getting engaged.
The pair attended premarital counselling, during which her husband told her everything “she wanted to hear.”
However, after the marriage, there were “so many ways he broke” promises, and it seemed as though he was having an “emotional affair with his sister.”
She continued: “He even asked me if he could plan a weekend stay at a bed and breakfast with her (I said no).
“He told me they had done many weekend B&B stays, hikes, and mountain-biking trips together before he and I were married.
“He had her with us when he carried me over the threshold into our new home. He still chose her to plan and celebrate his birthday after we were married, telling me I could only ‘help her.’
He said she then removed the towel to show off a new bikini
Reddit user
“He gave her one of our cars without asking me. I checked his texts for a while, and he had sent her romantic, longing-gaze pictures of himself on an aeroplane, asking her to pick him up (while telling me he didn’t need me to).
“He invited her to the theatre after work without telling me, and he gave her gifts – often in secret – that I only found out about when I asked.
“For example, he would buy her surprise perfume whenever he bought me a gift. She rejected gifts from both of us and demanded they be returned, saying he should choose something on his own to give to her privately (e.g. for Christmas).
“When we visited her parents, she walked around in a t-shirt and underwear.
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
“She also came into our hotel room once when we were all staying in a hotel, wrapped only in a towel, and asked in front of me if he could come into the bathroom with her.
“He said she then removed the towel to show off a new bikini. He came out and asked me to give him a h**dj*b almost immediately after she left.
“She sometimes sends him valentines even now, and I know they have regular FaceTimes and meet ups when she is in town.
“I have talked to him so much about this. I don’t mind a brother hanging out or catching up with or giving gifts to a sister, but so many times, she has stepped into spouse territory and he has told me ‘blood is thicker than water’.
“There has been so much gaslighting and meeting up behind my back – even when I have said ‘I don’t mind if you catch up for coffee’.
“There is so much more detail I could share. It just feels like he hides an affair (even if they have never had s*x) and feels like ‘another woman’ is in the marriage.
“I don’t know if it’s just dysfunction or infidelity. I wonder what others think.”
Her post gained a lot of attention with many other Reddit users rushing to the comments section to share their thoughts.
Your man and his sister’s relationship is weird. He is not changing and the marriage is not going to change
Reddit comment
One wrote: “My ex-bf cheated on me with his sister. It happens. It’s disgusting and I recommend walking away.
“Not just because of how nasty the whole thing is, but your husband is consistently showing he doesn’t prioritize you or your feelings. That’s the biggest red flag to me.”
Another added: “I’m not trying to be mean when I say this I’m saying this with love. Girl you should’ve left a long ass time ago.
“Your man and his sister’s relationship is weird. He is not changing and the marriage is not going to change.
“He is going to continue to disrespect you and your boundaries. You better leave before it’s too late.”
15 Relationship red flags to look out for
Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behaviour. When you encounter relationship red flags, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on the dynamic you really share with that person.
- Overly controlling behaviour
- Lack of trust
- Feeling low self-esteem
- Physical, emotional, or mental abuse
- Substance abuse
- Narcissism
- Anger management issues
- Codependency
- Inability to resolve conflict
- Constant jealousy
- Gaslighting
- Lack of emotional intelligence
- Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends
- Inability to communicate openly
- Lack of social connection or friends
For more advice and support, Relate is available: “Whether it’s your relationship with a partner, a child, a family member or anyone else – we help everyone to build better relationships.”
