My boyfriend says he has lost all interest in sex – now we live like flatmates

DEAR DEIDRE: WHAT can I do, after my boyfriend told me he’s lost all interest in sex?

I’m 28, he’s 30 and we’ve lived together for three years.

Up until last year we’d always had a great love life.

Our relationship is quite fiery and we’d often have a blazing row followed by passionate make-up sex.

But a few months ago, I realised we were only having the rows, not the sex.

I asked him what was wrong. At first he said everything was fine but then he finally admitted that his sex drive had disappeared.

He assures me he hasn’t met anyone else or gone off me. He’s just not interested in sex at all, with me or anyone else.

At first, I thought I could perk him back up.

I made more of an effort – wearing lingerie to bed, sending him affectionate texts during the day.

But nothing worked and we now live like flatmates.

Sex has always been an outlet for my emotions. It calms me and helps me relax after a busy week at work.

Without sex, I’m anxious and tense, and we are bickering more than ever.

Is our love life over?

DEIDRE SAYS: There are a number of reasons why someone might lose their sex drive.

The most common ones I hear about are stress and depression. Do you know if your boyfriend is living with either of those?

Talk to him, away from the bedroom, and find out whether there’s anything on his mind.

Another reason men say they’ve lost interest in sex is that they’re worried they can’t get, or keep, an erection.

Lots of things can cause erectile dysfunction.

Again, stress can be a factor, but there might be an underlying health issue, or even a secret pornography addiction.

Encourage your boyfriend to see his GP to rule out anything serious.
Doctors who have had sexual therapy training from the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine are particularly helpful.

Contact the Institute for details of those near you (ipm.org.uk, 020 7580 0631).

My support pack, Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive, has more advice.